Anxiety has been a huge part of my daily struggle for a long time. But through God, I've been able to overcome so much of this internal enemy. Being diagnosed with a chronic illness, like rheumatoid disease, however, has thrown a huge monkey wrench into things...
This weekend, I was given the privilege to attend an incredible event: Women's Retreat. And what happened to be the theme? Fearless. (Okay, God, I see you.)
Daily Fear
We live in a world consumed by fear. As a teen, the whole universe is just one big anxiety hub.
In this day and age, there is so much to fear. It's honestly so sad. I have a wide range of fears: Will I fit in? Will people accept me? Will others love me for who I am? Am I not safe at school? What about at home? Or on a walk in my neighborhood? Will I be attacked on my way to the parking lot? What happens if someone kidnaps me? Also, the dark, the unknown, Hell, etc. (I'm only a little crazy.)
But do you see what I mean?! There's so much out there that scares us! We live in a world surrounded by danger, and with danger comes fear. I often wonder how I get through the day without having a full blown panic attack. Well I think I've figured it out...
My Armor
Boy, oh boy, do I have protection from the craziness that this world brings. As much as I am surrounded by fear, I am surrounded by God. He keeps me safe. He shields me. I rely on Him because there's no way I could get through these days alone. We really, truly live in a world full of the devil, and the only way I know how to combat him and come out victorious is with God on my side.
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." - Ephesians 6:11-12
God is Within Me
God is so much to me -- my love, my savior, my energy, my reason to keep pushing through life, my everything, truly.
Without God, I would be lost. When I was diagnosed, I didn't think that I would get bitter, but I've slowly started to feel my self withdrawing from Him and those around me. Rheumatoid disease, especially when you have access to the internet, opens up a door that leads to so many new fears. Will I die early? Will I get cancer? What's going to happen to my body? Will I even be able to open water bottles? These are just a few questions I've asked myself.
Thankfully for me, God doesn't give up as easily as I do. He fights for me so much harder than Satan fights for me. I believe that Satan has had a huge hand in this diagnosis and the fears that I've experienced, but I believe God's hand will turn this struggle into something so much greater than Satan and me.
"God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." - Psalm 46:5
Fearless
Though it's a gift I'd rather not accept, life gives us a whole slew of fears to deal with. Through God, I've been able to overcome so many of these anxieties. I really am living my best life with God. No, my situation is not ideal, but it's pretty darn good. Yes, I may have a disease that makes me walk when I want to run, but that's okay; God is willing to slow down, too. He waits for me and shows the kind of patience that astounds.
With God in control, anything could happen. Who knows? This diagnosis could be the biggest (maybe the most backwards) blessing I'll ever receive.
You are amazing. I am so proud of you. ❤️❤️❤️